An Open letter to Eloise Rey Spencer

Dear Ellie
                 Hi, you don't know me yet. My name is Jason Spencer. You'll come to know me as Dad Father, or perhaps Pa Pa! I'm 26, have a decent job at a movie theater, and am married to a wonderful woman. Her name is Ashleigh or what you will know her as, your mother. It's February 21st, 2016. Deadpool is the top film at the box office. Love Yourself by Justin Bieber is the number one song. Barack Obama is in his last year of presidency. Hilary Clinton just won the Nevada Primary while Donald Trump won the primary in South Carolina. This is a small snapshot of the world you are about to be born into. You are due in 3 short days, on the 24th, but could come at any time. There are primarily two emotions I have about your arrival. Those being overwhelming excitement and a little anxiety. Growing up I always thought that once you turned 18, you wake up and just feel like an "adult". That you finally know what you were doing. Let me be the first to tell you that isn't the case. There will be days when you think you have things figured out. Most of the time though you are just going through the twist and turns that life gives you. Now don't get me wrong. You aren't unexpected. In fact we have been planing for you awhile now. But as you get older you will learn that change can be scary at times. When you arrive my life is going to change completely. I've never been a father before, never changed a diaper, bottle fed, or rocked a baby to sleep. In fact I can't remember the last time I held one. I have some anxiety about that. Most of all though is I can't wait to learn. I'm so excited to meet you. Hold you, sing to you, and talk to you. Wipe away your first tear, make you have your first laugh. See you learn to crawl, stand, then walk. Introduce you to the films I love, the musicians I overplay, and the books that I've worn the spine out of.  I haven't met you yet but I already love you so much. I think about you all the time. Honestly though what I am most excited about is to see the person that you grow up to be.

                While I know I will have some influence on the person you become. I can't wait to see who you decide you are. Like you I was once days away from being born. Over the last 26 years my parents, friends, strangers, good times, bad times, etc. have all had influence on the person I am today. But in the end I decide what kind of man I am. It will be the same for you. The only person who can decide what kind of person you will be is you. I so privileged to be able to witness the start of that. Now it's not always going to be easy. There will be times when you don't like me. There will be times when you think I'm the best. But know that no matter what I will always be here for you. I love you Eloise Rey Spencer. I'm so luck to have you as a daughter. By the time that you read this I hope to have lived up to my responsibility as your Father. See you soon.



                                                                                        Love, your father
                                                                                              Jason Spencer

A change that never ends.

      My life is going to be changed forever next year. But really it's the next step in a change that started four years ago. If I were to go back to my 15 year old self and tell him where I am in my life today he wouldn't believe me. At fifteen I would tell everyone that asked that I was never going to get married and never going to have children. What little I knew. Of course things change with time and a fifteen year old can't really know what will happened. In my case the first step of this change in my life was Ashleigh Deibert. We met each other when she was hired at the restaurant I worked at. She worked there only for a summer and while we would have friendly conversations about Harry Potter. We didn't really interact much outside of work. She went back to college after the summer and I continued working at the restaurant. We didn't have any contact with one another until later the next year. Randomly and for reasons I still don't completely understand Ashleigh messaged me through facebook and we started talking to each other on a semi-regular bases. Eventually we made plans to meet up with one another. Thus on August 21, 2012 we started dating. There was an instant spark between us and it didn't take very long for that spark to start a fire. It might sound crazy and it is crazy that we got engaged after a month of dating. My life is so profoundly better because we were crazy. Our engagement lasted until the next step in this change in my life. We got married on December 28th 2013. That day will always be one of the best days of my life. Of course every groom says this about his bride but when I saw her in her dress walking down the aisle I was in awe. She was the most beautiful bride I had ever seen.

       Thus we were now Husband and Wife, Mr. and Mrs. Spencer. Like any newly married couple we've had great times and times that were tough. But through it all every day I've been reminded that marrying Ashleigh was the best thing to happened in my life thus far. Fast forward to now and we are in the beginning of the next step of this great change in my life. A few months ago it was just like any other day. I had just gotten off work and Ashleigh and I decided to grab something to eat before we went to see a film at the theater. After we ate and were about to head off to see the movie she tells me the news. She was pregnant! Now this wasn't entirely out of no where because we were trying but I don't think you can be fully prepared for this moment. I can't fully explain my feelings when she told me and I didn't have much time to process it before we were in the theater watching the film. The greatest thing about that day was what film we watched, Inside Out. It's almost as if we were fated to find out we were expecting right before we went to see it. For the film at it's core is about a little girl growing up. The film starts with her birth and shows how she grows as a person and learns about herself and her emotions. Watching the film I couldn't help but think about the child that we would raise and how our child would one day grow. For these reasons Inside Out will always hold a very special place for me. Febuary 24th,2016 is the day that is set to be the next big step in these changes in my life. Next year I will be a married 26 year old with a wife and a child. While at age 15 I was saying that would never happened. I've never been so happy to have been so very wrong. Change is something that never stops in our lives. Sometimes we are afraid of it and sometimes it can be tough. I'm so very lucky to have someone to share this life with.

Season 5 of Game of Thrones.

Tonight the new season of Game of Thrones finally starts after the season 4 finale which aired on June 15th 2014. Later tonight I will be posting my thoughts on the first episode of season 5. I'm really looking forward to what the show has in store for it's version on the Song of Ice and Fire Series.

A very solid start to the fifth season of Game of Thrones. While there were no major happenings in the episode I found it to be a great set-up for the new season. It's becoming more obvious that there will be changes from the books and I am fine with that. I love the story that they are telling on the television version of this series. I loved the parts with Tyrion, Dany, Jon Snow, Sansa, Jamie, and Cersci. It was great just being back in Westeros and with the great characters. Now I just have to make sure to remain patient and not watch the leaked episodes. I can't wait to see the future of this story.

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones Review

  In my review for The Phantom Menace I noted that while the film had flaws it overall was a enjoyable film. However in regards to Attack of the Clones the flaws are too much for the film to be saved by the good things about it. Before I delve into what this film gets wrong I'm going to focus on the positives. Like Episode I Attack of the Clones has a strong start. There is a assassination attempt on the former queen of Naboo and now Senator Amidala. This attempt leads to the Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi and his padawan Anakin Skywalker to be assigned to protect her. There is some fun material here as the Jedi have to chase down a bounty Hunter that once again attempts to kill Padme. There is even a humorous scene with Kenobi at a bar where he mind tricks a drug dealer. In the same bar he also cuts off the arm of the bounty hunter who is subsequently killed by Jango Fett. All of this overall makes for a strong start to the film. However that start does not carry into the next part.

    The Strong start of the film leads into the two main story lines of the film. Obi Wan Kenobi is tasked to find out more of the mysterious bounty hunter(Jango Fett) while Anakin is to go to Naboo with Padme to keep her safe. Ewan McGregor is vastly underused in Episode I and he really becomes one of the best parts of the prequels in this film.  The Kenobi storyline continues the biggest strength of the prequels and that is world building. During his investigation he goes to the Jedi Archives, a young padawan class, a diner in Coruscant, and to a new planet Kamino which becomes very important to the Star Wars universe. Each of these things by themselves aren't much but together they help the prequels contiue to paint the larger picture of the Star Wars mythos and take us to places we have previously never seen in the films. In Kamino we are introduced to the Clone Army. More political mystery is created here due to the fact that the Kaminoians claim that this army was created for the Republic by Jedi Sypho Dias. However the Jedi have no knowledge this. This is just another puzzle piece in the scheme of Palpatine(the emperor) that won't be fully solved until the end of Episode III. At kamino a sort of orgin story is created for the classic character Bobba Fett. The Clone Army was built with the DNA of Jango Fett and Boba was created to be his son. After Kenobi realizes that the Bounter Hunter he is looking for is at this planet he seeks him out. They have a well done fight and Jango and Boba get away but not before a tracker is placed on their ship. Kenobi takes chase and one of the coolest sequences happens around the orbit of another new planet Geonosis. As each ship dives and ducks around the meteors in orbit of the planet Jango places mines that have great sound design when they explode. Kenobi tricks the Fetts into believing that he dies in the explosion and follows them down to the surface of the planet. It is here where he sees the formation of the Separatist movement and sends a call to the Jedi Council to inform them of the plot against the Republic. It is than that he is captured. 

   All of this storyline makes for a tale of intrigue, action, and mystery. While all of this is happening we are also being treated to the storyline of Anakin Skywalker. It is this portion that really brings the film down. Hayden Christensen is now playing the role of the future Vader and frankly he is a miscast. While he can't be the only person to blame for the poor characterization of his character he certainly is a part of the problem. His storyline consists of poor dialogue and interactions during a budding romance between himself and Padme. What could have been an interesting forbidden love story turns into a poorly writer and meandering tale. None of the scenes at Naboo are very interesting even with the beautiful locations of the planet. Perhaps with a better actor and writing these scenes could be good but that is not the film we got. There is a glimmer of a good story duing Anakin's portion of the film. At Naboo he starts to have dreams of his Mother on Tatooine. He believes her to be in distress and returns to his home planet to rescue her. He finds she has been take by Tuskan Raiders(Sandpeople). He finds her only to have a short goodbye as she has been tortured by the Raiders and succumbs to her wounds. In a fit of Rage and one of the darkest and best handled part of his story in this film Anakins kills the Raiders. It is a powerful moment and a good foreshadowing of the downfall of this Jedi. However even this small bright spot in Anakin's storyline is short lived. Soon after Anakin is telling Padme what he has done. What could have been a great scene about what he fears and his anger is turned into whinny barrage of poor dialogue. I understand what the scene is trying to convey but the execution of it is just not there. It is another instance of me wondering if it could have been better with a different actor. It is than that Anakin and Padme receive the message from Kenobi and they go on to try and save him in the last portion of the film.

    There are some very cool moments in the last portion of the film on Geonosis and the ending has major ramifications for the future of the Star Wars universe. Once Anakin and Padme get to the planet they discover the factory for the Droid army being built for the Seperatist. There is a sequence here that becomes too over the top with C3P0 that almost gets to the point of his character being annoying as Jar Jar Binks in Episode I. Who thankfully is barely in this film. Anakin and Padme are capture and alongside Kenbobi are sentenced to death. Right before they are executed an army of Jedi and Clones come in and save the day. It is a grand battle and full of spectacle and is very enjoyable. On the other hand there is a feeling that perhaps this is too much. That a lot of characters that are one the screen have enough context or back story for us to have any true connection with. There has to be a balance of spectacle and characters and this sequence leans to much to the former. During the battle there is a great duel between Dooku, Anakin, and Kenobi. Dooku proves to be too much for the two and chops off Anakin's hand. Before Dooku can deal a killing blow however Yoda comes in to save the day. It's the first time we see this Jedi in action and it's a cool moment. Like many villains in Star Wars Dooku escapes and thus begins The Clone Wars. 

  Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is the weakest film in the Star Wars saga. While there are things about it that are enjoyable, Ewan McGregor does his best, it overall falls vastly short of what it is trying to accomplish. What was suppose to be an interesting tale of how Anakin becomes Darth Vader gets turned into a poorly done romance story with a side mystery. Whenever I am re-watching the saga this is the film I tend to dread watching. So while you have to watch to understand future plot points of the saga it is a movie that I would not recommend watching more than once.

  

Halo Intrigue

        2014 seemed like it was going to be an interesting year for the Halo Franchise but it hit a rough speed bump with the launch of the Master Chief Collection. What was supposed to be a celebration of the past of Halo turned into a matchmaking fiasco. It just didn't work in that aspect. Luckily another important aspect of the games did work. The single player was one thing that did work. That doesn't forgive the fact the other important part of the game, and most important for some, didn't work. However, the Halo 5 multiplayer has gained hope for some that they are on the right track for the future with the late Beta in 2014. It was fun and felt like an evolved Halo for the modern shooter. Then more recently more light was shown on the future of the story. Two trailers were premiered during the very much watched finale of The Walking Dead season 5 finale.  The first one shows the new character introduced in the Xbox series Halo:Nightfall. That wasn't very good but I still think the character has a chance to be good. The "Hunter" shows him talking about the "hero" Master Chief but that turns when we see Chief almost dead with a huge bullet wound in his armour. He than blames him for causing the damage on the planet they are on. That the Chief was the person that was suppose to save them yet was the one to be saved from. The "Hunted" shows another side of the story. Master Chief is now talking about the damage done to the planet. He asks if it was worth it. For a instance it almost sounds like he is talking about himself but we realize it is Agent Locke who is in the same position Chief was in the last trailer. He tells him that his mission is just beginning. I think it's going to be a very interesting game. This also spawned a more Internet based story based ad campaign #Hunt the Truth that is exploring the true past of Master Chief. So while I understand a slight hesitation to 343 Industries because of the recent past, I don't think they will ever have a game launch like the Master Chief collection. Halo is too important to the Halo Franchise for Microsoft and 343"s future. I still think there will be another beta before the game announced at E3 this year.

The Belief of Disbelief

   A very large portion of Americans identify themselves as Christian. Many even consider America to be a "Christian Nation". I am not one to identify myself as such. I consider myself to be an Agnostic Atheist. Many people confuse the two. To me an Agnostic asks themselves "Is there a god?" and answers "I don't know". An Atheist asks "Do I believe in God?" and answers "No". I consider myself an Agnostic Atheist because while there is not yet a way to prove if there is or isn't  a god I myself don't believe in him/her/it. In the following paragraphs I want to show why I've come to this conclusion.

   Like many I was raised in a household that was religious. We mostly went to church every Sunday and often would go on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights. As a child I would go to Awana, Sunday School, and Summer camps. Now growing up while going to these things a child is taught that the Bible is fact. So when one is taught this as such an age they tend to accept it at face value. Why would we be taught this if it weren't true. I was "saved by Jesus" and baptized at a very young age. I memorized verses, prayed every night, and truly believed in what I was being taught. I don't remember the exact time when doubt crept into my mind but I remember the effect it had on me. I grew up in a baptist church and we were taught that to not believe in all the bible was to not believe in all of it. That when we start to question our beliefs we are letting the devil start to take a hold of our hearts. So when I did start to question things I would have moments of great fear. I would pray at nights begging for God to forgive me and that I was sorry for what I had done. Guilt is another emotion I felt a lot of the time. The bible tells that humans are sinful and wrong. The Only way for us to be clean is through Jesus, who died on the cross just for us. That's a lot put on the shoulders of a child. This lasted for a little while. I would have moments of complete belief while at times questioning that belief. Than like many teenagers I had a "rebellious phase". What do teenagers do when they are like this? They lash out out the things they had been raised to think. I had a small group of friends at the time and I consider these years as some of the most important that helped make me who I am today. While a part of me still believed in a higher power I started to abhor institutional religion. We didn't treat time at the church that serious. We listened to music our teachers considered bad. I constantly listened to bands such as Nirvana, Green Day, and The Pixies. During this period I would often be angry at God. If he is so good than why is there so much wrong in the world. We have war, cancer, aids, poverty, and many other ills. When I would ask this I would often be told that life was a test and that faith would guide us through the hard times. I have always thought this answer to be a cop out. I would tell God that life is a test I didn't ask for. That his "test" was meant to be impossible and thought he didn't deserve my respect or praise. As I grew older and farther from church the fear and anger faded away with it. Replacing that was curiosity of the world and the want to live this only life we have to it's fullest potential. I believe that I am much better off without religion in my life. It makes living in the moment much more important and meaningful. When we stop obsessing with the afterlife, life becomes that more important. It also helps us want to make the world a better place for the ones we live with and those after us.

    I understand the reason why such belief is important to people. I also understand why some even need it. We are all trying to find a reason and purpose in life. Without Religion many people consider that to be a removal of those. In a earlier post I touched on this. The biblical definition of faith is trusting in something that can't be proved. I consider faith to often be a denial of truth. Many times when there is something that goes against one's faith they will deny it no matter what, even with scientific proof. We can see this with the denial of Evolution and Climate Change. There is , as of now, no scientific way to prove the existence of god. Thus, I don't believe in god. That's why the Scientific Method is the best way to look at life. In this way things are always tested before belief and if a better theory comes up it will replace the old. Science is not afraid of change or being proven wrong. If fact that is what it strives for. It is always looking to help us understand our world better rather than just accepting it at face value. I believe that it helps improve our lives more that religion ever could. In fact I believe that religion at times makes the world a worse place. Many people use the Bible or other religious texts to oppress the rights of others. That's why we have issues with Women's rights and Marriage Equality.

  This is a complicated issue and there will be those offended and angry with my views. There will also be those who agree with me. Religion will always be a part of the world. I'm not saying that it should be totally eradicated. However I would challenge those who believe and those who don't to try and find some common ground. Those of us who don't believe shouldn't force others to not  and those who do shouldn't force their way of thinking either. We shouldn't be afraid of challenging our own way of thinking. We should always question. I think it's one of the best things about being Human. We should always be trying to expand our knowledge and see other points of view. After all we are all human and that is something we will always have in common.

this is you, this is earth, and THS IS THE UNIVERSE.

        Humans have the tendency to make themselves the center of everything. As individuals we only see through the prism of our own eyes and that's how we interpret the world. I often am guilty of this myself. Honestly it's hard not too. We get wrapped up in our day to day lives and only focus on the here and now. We worry about our problems and the times that we have failed. While other time we are focused on our successes which boosts our egos. I'm not going to tell you that these things can't be important to you; of course they are. Our lives our a wonderful and extraordinary things. It's fragile and the bonds we make with each other are unique. However I think it is important to keep perspective.

     Many people would look at that picture and will question their place in the universe. They will start to feel small and insignificant. They might even fear this. They would be right to think this. In the grand scheme of things and set against the vast scope of the universe; humans aren't that important. There are so many other planets, galaxies, and universes out there. It's also been there for a long time as well. Compared to the time the universe has existed; mankind's time here is a very small portion of it. Now take the time as individuals ourselves and we are nothing but a blink of an eye. The thing the people who feel this way are wrong about is they are looking at it the wrong way. They are doing this because they are only looking at from their own perspective.  We shouldn't ignore the bigger picture. The vastness of the universe shouldn't scare us it should leave us in awe. It should help remind us that we are a part of something bigger. It's not just us as individuals, a species, a planet, or a galaxy. We are but a single pixel in the beautiful picture that is the universe.

    You might wonder why thinking this way matters. How this train of thought will help anything. If we aren't important and our lives don't really mean anything than what's the point? If there is no meaning in life than why do anything? The answer is; we are the ones that make our purpose in life. We decide what we do with them and who/what is important to us. When we tear away the facade of importance we can move past the fear and doubt in our lives. Our failures don't weigh us down as much and we can move past them and our successes won't bloat our heads; keeping us humble. As a species we can try to create a common goal that no matter how short out time here is or how small we are; that it's possible to make it the best of it. All of us are human and while we differ the core of us is all the same. The fact that I can write this is amazing. It's wonderful to be alive so instead of worrying, try to enjoy it while you are here. 

(This is the articles that inspired me to write this post)